Nine for the Law, One for the Heart

Jesus walks along with His followers. Ten leprous men call out to Him for healing. He calls back to them, "Go show yourselves to the priests." They respond to His request immediately. What more could Jesus want from them? They believe in Him. They obey Him. Is this not what He wants?

They all recognize the miracle that is taking place as they make their way to the priest. How pleased they are. How proud to be able to present themselves to the priest, as Jewish law requires. One among them is a Samaritan however, a half-breed, part Jew, part Assyrian. He knows Who has healed him; he is going to go back and show his appreciation.

Jesus asks , "Where are the other nine?" He is notably disappointed. "Were they not all healed?"

"Lord, they are on their way to the priest. I am sorry --I did not go...Oh my Lord and my God! ...I must worship You! I must Thank You!" This man throws himself down at Jesus' feet and is crying and laughing and is exuberant with joy. Some of the people in the crowd are a little worried to be around him and back away but the Blessed Mother approaches the man with a loving touch upon his arm. She seems familiar with him as she whispers something in his ear. She then turns and signals to Mary Magdelene to bring her a package. I can see that it is another work of love that the women have prepared for the poor and needy. They are sending him on his way with clean clothing.

What beautiful human love is shown here! Jesus shows us the way of love, the "good" Samaritan responds with an outburst of exaltation and praise from a human heart full of love. The Marys complete it all with their charitable acts, anticipated in advance.

It is so evident here that Jesus favors this man's spontaneous response to His healing, though the law required that he should have shown himself to the priest. Even though the nine were, in fact, obeying Jesus with their actions, Jesus clearly shows His delight in this one man's response.

I imagine that the nine were more concerned with following religious laws than they were in following the law of the heart.

Lost in Jesus

Today I want to share with you my contemplation after communing with my Lover at Mass. I was thinking about how far God goes to attract us to Himself. He is God, the great and almighty Creator and Perfect One. We are the created ones who have fallen so far from what He created us to be. He is crazy-in-love with us. How embarrassing to realize what He has done to make us love Him! We are distracted from Him in so many ways. We fall in love with beautiful people. We wrongly worship human beings. So what does he do? He becomes a human being that is ok to worship! A handsome and charismatic human being Who CAN be-- no!... MUST be worshipped! How satisfying it is to me to be able to WORSHIP A HUMAN BEING!!!! Thank you Father for giving me JESUS, Your Son!

God does not stop here. Oh no!!! People are not satisfied with merely worshiping human beings. We also must worship objects. So what does Jesus do? He becomes an object!--- An Object that can be--- no, MUST BE worshiped!!!!!! How satisfying it is to me to be able to WORSHIP AN OBJECT!!!! Thank You, Jesus, for making Yourself into the Host that I can see and must adore!

And we do not stop at just worshiping people and objects. We need to satisfy our appetites. We love food. We worship it even, making our whole day revolve around our meals, contemplating what we are

going to sink our teeth into today. Some of us plan our days around that "happy hour" we plan to spend at the bar later on. So what does God do? He becomes food for us to worship; wine for us to adore!!!!! Oh Jesus, my Jesus!!!! You think of everything!!!! How satisfying it is to me to be able to worship my Food and Drink!!!! Thank You, Jesus, Bread of Heaven, having all sweetness within It!

I do not expect that everyone will be able to understand or relate to what I am saying today but I do know that the Catholics among you know and experience what I am talking about.

We are physical beings and long for physical love. Jesus is there for us every day with His Holy Kiss at Mass. He makes love to us in an embrace which is closer than husband and wife in Holy Communion. How satisfying to have God come into me every day through the Holy Eucharist!!!! Thank You, Jesus, Lover of my soul!!!!

A Dinner Party (part two): The Guests of Honor

People are crowding into the home of Joseph of Arimathea. Many are milling around, trying to find a seat and hoping to get one at or near the head table which is set up festively and garnished with a sumptuous repast. The lawyers are beginning to seat their wives around this table before anyone else occupies it. Jesus, however, has taken a seat in an obscure corner of the great room with His apostles around Him, as well as His Mother and Mary and Martha. They are among the invited guests, who also include many pharisees and lawyers.

Jesus surveys the party and addresses the situation saying, "My friends, when you go to a wedding feast, never look for the places of honor to sit. Someone else more important than you may come and displace you at the table. Sit in the lowly spots and be happy that you have been invited! Think how you would feel if your host should have to ask you to move. Would it not be better that you be invited to a place of greater honor that one of humiliation?"

Now as he is speaking, His own host, Joseph is busy directing the servants of his household to reset the tables. The table he had intended for Jesus and His family has been occupied by others. Bowls of fruit and platters of meat are being removed from the table and a cloth is being spread over the table Jesus has claimed. I am impressed with the grace and ease with which this transformation takes place. There is no sign of irritation are annoyance on Joseph's part, nor on the part of his servants.

It is a rather humorous sight to see the lawyers and pharisees in their fancy garb caught off guard by this affair as their grand buffet turns into a bare wooden board, while the corner table, which seats the most humble-looking guests in the room, becomes the focal point. Joseph and his daughter sit down with Jesus as the servants stand ready to assist the guests.

Jesus turns to Joseph, sitting beside Him, and warns him: "Don't invite your rich friends and relatives to your dinner parties, good Joseph. You see these guests here are most likely to invite you to their houses in return. The next time you must invite the poor, the lame, the unfortunate ones-- those who will never be able to repay you. In this way you will be blessed! You will certainly be repaid in the resurrection of the righteous."

Joseph listens intently to his young Master's instructions. What a curious spectacle! Here is this old and wise-looking prominent leader of the pharisees pensively looking into the face of Jesus with overwhelming respect almost like an adoring child looking into the eyes of his father. Yet Jesus' tone is in no way condescending but instead has the feel of a message being passed on from one beloved friend to another.

A Dinner Party (part one): The Sabbath Healing

Today at Mass we heard a passage from Luke 14.Here are my thoughts:

I imagine that the leader of the pharisees whose house Jesus came to visit was Joseph of Arimathea. At any rate, it had to be someone Jesus knew well enough to be invited over for dinner. And if He was invited, I imagine His family and close friends were also invited. (see my other entries about Joseph of Arimathea.) The pharisees and lawyers are watching Him closely, hoping to trip Him up over some issue, while Joseph is watching Him carefully that no harm come to Him or His family.

While still outside Joseph's house, a man spies Jesus and makes his way quickly to Him, hoping for a healing before He disappears into the house. Seeing this, the pharisees and lawyers whisper among themselves questions over whether it is lawful to work a healing today as it is the Sabbath. "Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?" Jesus asks them in all sincerity, looking straight into their eyes. But they cannot hold His piercing glance and their eyes fall toward the ground. So Jesus turns His attention to the needy man, placing His healing hands upon him.

The man immediately feels the surge of health fill his body and takes a deep breath letting out a sigh of relief after such a long episode of "dropsy." Jesus hugs him and sends him happily on his way, then turns to address those lawyers who had refused to respond to His question before entering Joseph's home. "What man among you would refuse to pull a child, or even an ox out of a cistern if it had fallen in on the Sabbath?"
Now the leaders are clearing their throats and shifting uncomfortably around because in saying this, Jesus has addressed an incident that happened only this morning, as one of the pharisees, himself had needed help over a mishap of his own. His oxen had fallen into a cistern and in trying to lend his aid, his own son slipped in as well. All who helped in this rescue know well what Jesus is getting at and they are intimidated by the keenness of His insight. Now they quickly drop the accusation against Jesus, seeing that He has every right to bring one up against them. Pushing their way into the house, they are very anxious to avoid Jesus now.

The Story of Gad (part two): Returning Home

Gad is now coming out of the water and Jesus has taken the crowd down the road away from him. He is looking like a new man, and a very handsome one. His hair is clean and smoothed back and he grooms his beard now preparing for his homecoming. He dons his white robe just received from the holy women, adjusting the sash at his waist.

Now he arrives at the door of his home and nervously fusses with his appearance a bit before he lightly taps on the door. I hear whispering within but no one opens the door."Sarah?....Sarah?....I...please...Sarah,...please open the door." But no one stirs within. "Sarah, I'm not the man I was....I...I won't hurt you. Something has happened." I hear more whispering and rustling within and then the sound of a sliding board and the creak of hinges as the door slowly opens. Sarah peeps out but looks ready to slam the door shut if need be. Gad does not force his way in but stands calmly waiting to be invited. He stands brawny and powerful and yet somehow meek. "Something has happened, Sarah. Someone... someone touched me and healed me.....He..."


"The Nazarene?" asked Sarah. "Was it Mary's Son who touched you, Gad?"

"Jesus! They said His name was Jesus!"

A quiet gasp is heard coming from the far corner of the room and the sound of a vase teetering and then crashing to the ground. This startles both Gad and Sarah and they turn to spy two little frightened girls with hands over mouths, wide-eyed and cowering in the darkness. "Oh girls!" cries Sarah. "Oh girls, never mind that. Your father is here! Your father is back!" The girls seem to be terrified but Sarah gently takes her husband's hand and re-initiates him into the family.

"Mariah! Ruthie!... My dear babies!" Gad begins but then, trembling with emotion and falling to his knees in repentance and remorse from bygone days, copious tears pour down his face. "I am so sorry! I am so, so sorry!... Oh forgive me my sweet ones! my babies!" Sarah remains faithfully at his side, her arm embracing him which causes the girls to understand that it is safe to approach.

"Daddy?" little Ruthie quietly breathes the words. "It's good to have you back." and the two girls come close and snuggle into his arms and lap.
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This might not sound like anything spectacular for a meditation, but as I continued to think about this family, I realized that had he followed Jesus as he was attracted to doing there would have been so much unfinished in his life. I imagined that the happy couple, remaining friends with Jesus and His family, were blessed with many more children after that, creating generation after generation of faith filled Christians coming down to this very day and age. Who's to say but maybe even I have descended from a family such as Gad's who had their roots among Jesus' followers. This makes me anxious to insure that my descendants carry on this great Faith.

The Story of Gad (part one)

Luke 8:26-39 tells the story of a "strong man" who was possessed by a legion of demons and kept breaking the chains with which people attempted to confine him. I have often felt tearful when thinking of how this man, cured of such a violent condition, wanted to follow Jesus but was instead directed to "go home and tell them all" what Jesus did for him. Jesus directed me a few weeks ago to meditate on this man's experience. Here is my contemplation on the passage:

This story begins right after Jesus, shown in the picture above, has cast out a legion of demons from this man. After such a dramatic exorcism, the man lies exhausted on the ground.

A beast of a man, he lies on his back, naked on the shore of the sea, arms outstretched and eyes closed, as if in a coma. Jesus rushes to him and touches his face. He is quietly calling his name, as if drawing him out of a long, far-away sleep. "Gad! Wake up! Your Healer is here!" As He speaks, Mother Mary and Salome quickly hasten to the side of the man, throwing a clean sheet over his body, tucking it in lovingly and kneeling opposite Jesus, ready to assist the "Great Physician" like two very lovely nurses. Jesus is still patting his face and gently calling to wake him from this stupor when he finally opens his eyes.

"What has happened?" he asks, disoriented and confused. The crowd is waiting in hushed anticipation to see what is next.

"Jesus has healed you, My dear!" says the Blessed Mother, Her lovely face radiant with a beaming smile.

The gruff-looking gorilla man pushes himself up to sitting position and modestly draws the sheet around himself as he surveys the crowd with amazement.

"I am your friend, Jesus."

"I don't know you......do I?" questions Gad.

Jesus smiles slyly and answers, "But I know you!"

"It's gone....I feel free!...Master! I will serve You! I will be Your slave where ever You go!... You... You have saved me from utter destruction! I... I couldn't help myself... I ruined everything ...destroyed everything I touched... my wife... my kids!... I..." Now he is weeping bitterly, head in hands.

"Gad, they are still there. Your family is still there. You must go back to them and tell them everything that has happened. I will come to you and visit you there."

Mary Magdalen brings a folded robe and presents it to the man and he accepts it shyly and gratefully. Jesus begins to motion the crowd away from Gad and the apostles help by ushering them along their way up the road. No sooner is their attention diverted away from Gad, then a loud splash draws it back. The "strong man" has plunged into the sea, laughing heartily and waving his hands above his head as he shouts out "Thank You, Jesus!!! Thank You!" He continues to laugh as he rubs himself clean and grooms his long hair and beard, preparing to make his reappearance into his family. The whole crowd waves back to him happily and I hear Jesus' beautiful laugh as He acknowledges His grateful patient's response.

Martha and Mary

Jesus is still making His way to the villages where He sent the 72 disciples ahead of Him. Women and children were among those He sent out and two little ones are grabbing His hands right now excited to lead Him to a house where they know He will be welcomed. It is the home of Lazarus, Martha and Mary.

"Right here, Jesus! Right here! Oh they love You here!" Jesus knocks on the door. Martha greets Him with a wide smile. "Oh Jesus! Hello! Oh come in, come in!" She ushers Him in with hugs and kisses as she recognizes the little children who previously forewarned her of this visit. But as she catches sight of the crowd that accompanies Jesus, her countenance falls and her brow wrinkles as she suddenly backs away and mumbles under her breath, "They didn't warn me that He was bringing all of Judea with Him!" Then she begins to nervously back away and says more audibly, "Ah.. I'll...go get Lazarus. He's right down the road...wait here, Jesus." Out through the kitchen she hurries, informing Mary of the Lord's arrival as she dashes out to get her brother.

Now at hearing that the Lord has arrived sooner than they expected, Mary drops the work she is doing and rushes off to greet her dear Friend. This 'Mary' is the same one from whom Jesus cast seven demons. What a sweet and pretty young thing she is and she is beaming a broad smile that reveals an in-containable love.

She runs to Jesus, wedging through the crowd which is surrounding Him in her living room area. Down on her face she prostrates herself, as has become her custom, kissing His feet.

Meanwhile, Martha has located her brother and is in a frenzy relaying her troubles to him. "Jesus has come but He is not alone! I was only expecting 15, maybe 20 people! There must be a hundred of them there!" she complains to her brother, who sports a rather amused look on his face.

"Martha, come on! Jesus does not expect you to fed the entire crowd! You know Him; He'd be happy with a cup of water." But his words only serve to frustrate her more and she is

off in a huff, returning to the house to deal with this matter without him.

She is an elegant hostess and has truly planned a scrumptious feast for Jesus and His usual band of family and apostles, but today she finds herself behind schedule and caught off guard with this unexpected and early arrival of guests. She means to, however, show them her utmost hospitality in this situation and with the help of Mary she decides that she will conquer this challenge. She will honor her Lord as He certainly deserves to be honored. 'Whoever He brings here will be honored as well. His friends are our friends,' she affirms in her heart. But all her good intentions crash down like shattered pottery when she enters the kitchen to find Mary has left her duties undone and the food unprepared.

Let me explain something here about Martha and Mary. Martha was the "good child"- the oldest daughter, who always pleased her parents and accomplished every task with perfection. Mary was the one who ran off with her silly friends and got herself in all kinds of trouble numerous times in her short lifetime. She even dabbled in sorcery under the influence of one certain young man of questionable character. In short, Mary was a constant source of worry to Martha, who had taken on the role of 'mother' to her after the death of their parents. It was Martha who had first recognized the divinity of Jesus and sought His help in their family's problems. She had introduced her siblings to Him and the unbreakable bond among them was begun.

Now today, under all the stress of the event at hand, Martha unthinkingly charges into the family room and bellows out to Mary "What do you think you're doing?" Then she turns to Jesus and says, "Lord, tell her to help me! Don't you care that she has left it all to me?"

The whole crowd is feeling awkward at this outburst and Jesus, Himself, looks startled as the merriment of the conversation has dampened into silence. Then His face slowly softens into that familiar look- yes, the one with the crooked, dimpled smile and the twinkling eyes. "Martha, My dear, come here," He coaxes quietly, reaching His arms out to her and motioning her to come closer to Him.

Martha is, of course, very embarrassed at her own behavior, which was extremely unlike this first-born child. Rarely does she ever let any flaw in her character be seen in public. But here is Jesus, so non-condemning, so discreet. so kind, calling her with arms wide open. Her frustration has broken into tears and she shamefully covers her face with her hands. The people nearest to her immediately stand up and lovingly usher her through the crowd to Jesus. Mary is sweetly scooching aside to allow her sister to take her place next to Him. Jesus collects Martha into His arms and draws her ever so close to His heart as He gently rocks her, letting her weep out her stress. Now He wipes away her tears with His gentle hands as He says to her, "You are worried and bothered by so many things! Only one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the better portion and it will not be taken from her." He again draws Martha back into His embrace as He smiles His crooked smile and winks an eye at Mary, who now is leaning back into the lap and resting on the shoulder of the Blessed Mother.

The Compassionate Traveler

I know you are used to hearing this called something else but this title is a little closer to the point. Jesus instructs His apostles in Matthew 10 how to preach to all the world, warning them of many troubles to come and equipping them with many spiritual gifts of healing and power over evil spirits.

Luke 10 tells us that Jesus then passed these instructions on to 72 other disciples, sending these new " laborers" into the "Master's field." This is where my meditation begins.

A lawyer sits close by where Jesus is openly instructing the crowd of disciples. He is curious about what is happening and observes that these 72 men are disgustingly eager to follow this carpenter with no credentials. He is feeling a bit jealous and wishes to embarrass this impostor and reveal to the crowd how little their hero knows. He decides to approach Him and begins by rudely interrupting the conversation in which He is engaged with the words: "Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

Jesus politely excuses Himself from His flock in order to address the question of this self-important lawyer. "What is written in the law?" He asks. "How do you read it?" The man is thrilled with this opportunity to show the crowd how well-versed he is in Scripture. His face is full of delightful pride as he sharply whips off a quote from Deuteronomy concerning the importance of loving God with one's whole self and loving our neighbor as well. Jesus affirms his quotation and finishes it off by reminding him what the Scripture also says: "....do this and you shall live," before He turns back to His disciples.

But it irritates the scribe that Jesus seems to be familiar with the Scriptures and is unimpressed by his knowledge. He fumbles for another way to trip Jesus up and quickly blurts out: "And who is my neighbor?!"

For the second time, Jesus turns from His people to speak to the scribe. His eyes are full of deep compassion for him, as He sees through the filth of his arrogance and hurt pride. His face is pensive as He offers to him the parable we know as "the Good Samaritan." The lawyer's eyebrows bend toward each other and his expression becomes rather tight as Jesus relays His tale.

As Jesus is speaking I become aware that He speaks allegorically about the scribe's own life. Jesus is aware of the man's entire history: how he 'came down from Jerusalem ' as a youth and got caught up in so many dark sins; how he struggled to find the truth and please his parents. He knows the abuse and the shame he endured at the hands of those who robbed him of his dignity and left him spiritually dead. As Jesus speaks of the "good Samaritan" I see in His face a wrenching pity, an intense compassion. His eyes are glazed and he speaks with great suffering in His expression as He describes the finding of the victim on the road to Jericho. So much empathy does Jesus show that the scribe is becoming disturbed and uncomfortable.

"Which of the three: the priest, the Levite or the Samaritan, was neighbor to the man?" Jesus asks.

Bewildered by this story and the emotion with which Jesus has told it, the scribe replies, "I suppose the one who treated him with mercy. "

"Then go and do the same," He instructs, and then turns back to His disciples. The scribe is left to ponder these things on his own.

Laborers of the Harvest

The gospel passages from mass have been dwelling on Matthew 9 and 10 the past week. These passages use to seem so dry before. Now it is so interesting to enter into the scene and see the reactions of the people in the stories.

I see the laborers anxious to finish their daily jobs and hurry down to the synagogue where they have heard Jesus will be. Wherever He goes, people make time for Him, even though they may be exhausted from the daily grind. They seek Him out and find Him wherever He is. They come to the synagogues and just crash, eager to hear what He will say next.

"Come all you who labor and are heavy-burdened and I will give you rest!" With words like these He comforts and refreshes his flock day after day.

"Beg the Harvest Master to send out laborers to gather His harvest!" Jesus says this to His apostles one day, after studying the fatigued crowd. I see the apostles eyeing each other in bewilderment. They are wondering if He is displeased with them or what. They feel that they do not know how to "gather in the harvest" and are at a loss as to what to do to please the Master. I see Peter's worried brow. Oh how much He wants to please Jesus! Thomas shrugs his shoulders and raises his eyebrows, looking to the others for a clue as to what Jesus wants. Simon and Jude are whispering to each other. Matthew sits pensively viewing the crowd, his chin resting on his fisted hand.

I see my beloved John nudging his brother, James and urging him to "come and talk to the people" with him. John is so beautiful- both outside and inside! He is very young and attractive and personable, quite like Jesus, Himself. He sits down and introduces himself to a man who looks rather beat from his workday. John pulls his brother down with him, introducing him also to the man. The laborer brightens up and seems very impressed that these two apostles have taken note of him.

Philip and Nathaniel are carefully observing this spectacle and soon begin to follow suit, sitting down among the men who have gathered and introducing themselves. Soon, two by two all the apostles begin mingling with the crowd, making them feel at ease and well-loved.

Jesus' eyes are turned upward and a beautiful smile graces His face as I hear Him whisper a soft "Thank You, Father!"

To Touch His Hem

The passage of today was from Matthew 9, but I have already contemplated this event through Mark 5, so I have dug up my notes on it to share with you here. I love to do these meditations because when they come up as mass readings I can just close my eyes and re-enter the event.

I am a part of the huge crowd pressing in on Jesus. My hand is touching Him. I feel the warmth of His body. I am comforted that I am so close to Him. How is it that I am so fortunate as to be so close to Him, to touch Him?! I love Him. I do not want to ever leave Him.

Then I hear Him say: "Who has touched My clothes?" Like the apostles, I wonder what He means. I am, of course, touching Him , but so are so many others. Tears come to my eyes as I realize that He knows each one of us so well. He must have felt a "special touch." Knowing our hearts completely He takes time out from this moving mob to illuminate the "one who touched" Him, though she never asked for any attention and was willing to live out her great faith in the quietness of her heart. And oh! how embarrassed she is that He takes notice of her! She did not mean to cause any commotion, but the Great One silences the whole crowd in order to draw attention to her. She is flabbergasted and flustered as she stammers for words in order to reveal the beauty of her soul. Such Great Faith in such a little humble lady!

Oh Jesus, thank You for doing this!... for pointing out what really matters in life! It is not the rich and famous You take note of but this simple , little, frail woman. I see the twinkling eyes sparkle on that aged face as she quietly, oh so quietly, tries to explain to the stunned crowd what has happened. The smile on her lovely, wrinkled face beams as she, at a loss for words, shakes her head repeatedly, clasps her hands together and bows

before Jesus. "Thank You!" comes her quivering voice. "Thank You!" is all she can say as Jesus respectfully helps her up. His loving arms surround her as He blesses her with peace and commends her faith. She is old and therefore not able to keep pace with the swiftly moving crowd so Jesus clears a path for her to return safely to her home, not far away, and appoints two of us to escort her there. She is still beaming with joy and maneuvers herself around to catch sight of Jesus once more before He is completely lost from her view. They flash a knowing glance towards each other. I see that look again upon His lovely face! It is a Lover's glance for His Beloved! She throws her hand high into the air to wave her farewell as He pushes on to His destination. I see His hand waving back to her just before I lose sight of Him.

The lady closes her eyes, her face still beaming beautifully bright, and from that moment on receives Him into her heart and home forever more. I hug her tightly and then rush back to try and be as close as I can to Jesus.

The Faith-filled Centurion

Matthew 8 is packed with some of the most moving stories!

I love the Centurion's tale. I can't help seeing Ernest Borgnine as my own centurion as he did such an excellent job in the movie. But, as I dwell on the moment I see even more than what was conveyed in the movie.

Oh so much love! So great a reverence this man has for Jesus! Truly, I dare say that he is worshiping Jesus as he makes his request for the healing of his servant. And Jesus is utterly moved by his request. Oh such a look of concern and urgency upon His beautiful face and He immediately begins hurrying in the direction of the centurion's home, as He assure him "I will come right a way and heal him!"

But the man holds onto Jesus to stop Him and now is falling to his knees at Jesus' feet! I am so moved by this sight! Oh how I love this man who loves my Lord! The centurion shamelessly professes his faith before the whole crowd in the famous discourse which has been forever acknowledged by the Church in the very midst of the Eucharistic celebration: "...Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof, speak but the words and my servant shall be healed!"

Jesus embraces the man and the soldier cannot contain his emotions. In front of the whole crowd of "lowly" townsfolk he is crying. I am crying at the humility and love of this man. I want to see him again, want to visit his home and see how he will explain this to his family. I want to see them all in the Upper Room during the novena before Pentecost.

The Master's Dog

Here is a lady in great need of healing for her demon-possessed daughter. She has caught sight of Jesus coming into her region. Only just yesterday she was in the loneliness of her bedroom, on her knees pleading to God (as she knows Him) for deliverance from this filthy demon who has taken her beautiful girl, a young teen who would have been quite pretty had her hair not been matted and unkempt and her face not been twisted and distorted, eyes bugging out, teeth clenched and mouth foaming; her speech sounding unnatural and her words being the obscenities of satan. Oh how the tears of pain have poured out from the eyes of this victim's mother!

As she makes her way to the village well, she sees the band of Christ's followers approaching. Her heart skips a beat as she catches sight of Jesus. Her God has answered her prayer. She drops her jug and bolts out toward Him, screaming as she runs, "Lord have mercy on me! Son of David! I am the one whose daughter is possessed!" She speaks as if Jesus has been looking for her. The apostles are annoyed and think she is just a bother to Jesus since He is not answering her at first. She is obviously a Canaanite with her distinctive dress and accent.

Jesus looks curiously at her. I can see the twinkle in His eyes but He is hiding the smile that usually accompanies that twinkle. "I was sent to the lost sheep of Israel," He teasingly says to her. She, on her part, has great hope written all over her face. Her tears have dried and there is no apparent doubt in these eyes. Despite the frowns of the apostles she walks straight up to Jesus, though she has never been this physically close to Him before, and falls to her knees, hugging His ankles as if she will never let Him get away as she calmly and confidently pleads, "Help me, Lord."

Knowing all things, both her faults and her virtues, Jesus continues to tease her using words of her own mouth that she had spoken just days before. She had remarked to another Canaanite woman that 'the Nazarene helps the lost sheep of Israel but He doesn't bother to come our way out here in Tyre. I guess we are not worthy of Him. We might as well be dogs,' she had sneered. Yet in her heart of hearts she had prayed that God really would bring Him.

"It is not good to take the bread of the children and throw it to the dogs," remarks our Lord. The lady smiles an embarrassed smile, remembering her own frivolous remark. 

"Yes, Lord, but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from the Master's table!" The apostles are confused and feeling like they have been left out of something here; all except John, who clutches the hand of the Blessed Mother as they exchange sideways glances and dimpled grins.

Now I see the smile so familiar to me as a hardy laugh breaks forth from the Master's mouth. "O woman! Your faith is great!" and He draws her to Himself. "It shall be done for you as you wish!"

And as she reluctantly slips away from this holy embrace she whispers softly, "I love You!"

Jesus continues moving on from there looking back to her as she stands and waves with adoring eyes. He lets out another jolly laugh and throws His hand up high into the air in a gesture of blessing as His twinkling eye catches hers one last time.

(Jesus breaks all human rules here, though He follows staunchly the rules of Love. He is so fun and personable in these scenes whenever I see Him meeting with someone for, supposedly, the first time. He very evidently has already known the person deeply forever.)

The Pharisees' Complaint

Jesus has just recently fed thousands of people Holy Bread that He created for them. He nourished their bodies, minds and souls with this Bread of Life. But some Pharisees have been looking on and it irritates them greatly. He is drawing the crowds away from them. They are afraid of losing respect in the eyes of the common people. It annoys them that Jesus overlooks their common habits and accepts such vulgar behavior from them. He doesn't make them wash their hands before eating, for instance.

Jesus is so aware of what is in their hearts. He knows their sins-- so much greater than the sins of His innocent flock! "You can point out what you think are the faults of others but you have no concern about improving your own poor condition of conscience." Jesus goes on with words like these, convicting these teachers of their own violations of the Law that they propose to defend. The apostles are worried for Him because of how boldly He states His case.

Finally, Jesus stands up and begins to steer His flock away from these false teachers, signaling His own to follow Him out so a that He may speak intimately to them and protect them from the accusations of the scribes. He is greatly perturbed that they should overlook the innocence of these children of God in order to criticize them for such a trivial offense as not washing their hands.

But Peter wants to make sure he understands Jesus and asks Him for a clearer statement on the whole situation. Jesus becomes a bit stern with him because He wants Peter to be on the same wavelength about the whole thing. Jesus is anxious to defend His innocent lambs from those ravenous wolves. Peter, like me, I am afraid to say, sometimes falls into the trap of imitating the pharisees: comparing himself to others, noticing what others are doing wrong, bringing their faults to the attention of Jesus instead of refining his own character.

(My contemplation shifted at this point as Jesus began to address my own actions of the day.)
To my surprise, Jesus pulls me aside and begins instructing me concerning the pharisees. "Do not imitate them, My love. Do not presume that you know the faults of others. Oh how wrong you can be! But even if others have faults, it will do you no good to contemplate them. Put them out of your mind and notice instead what comes out of your own mouth: complaints about what you had to endure at the hands of others, accusations about others' intentions. Did you not suffer others' wrongs cheerfully? Did you not use the time of waiting for others as an offering to Me for their salvation?

"How can the world be saved if My own hands refuse to reach out and touch them? How can the sinner hear God calling if My own mouth refuses to speak? How can the fallen soul rise if My own legs will not run to his rescue? My love! My love! Desire perfection! I desire that YOU desire perfection."

(Just a note here: Jesus' words of conviction are so different than the accusations of satan! His words effect sorrow for my sin and inspire change in my heart and soul. The accusations of the evil one only cause desolation.)

Pentecost Sunday

Saturday night the followers of the Way finish their "Eucharistic Feast" and disperse from the Upper Room, agreeing to meet early the next morning as had become their custom since the Lord's resurrection. They refer to Sundays now as "the Lord's Day."

So, early in the morning they begin to trickle into town to visit Joseph's house again.Up in the Cenacle, all are in quiet meditation contemplating the events over the last months, preparing to celebrate the Lord's Supper again when a terrible noise roars overhead. Is it a thunderstorm? Is it the a Roman raid upon the town? What is happening?

As they are raising eyes upward from where the sound came, through the very roof of the building, as if it were not made of stone but paper, a blazing fire pours into the room. The ball of flames then seems to break up into so many sparks of fire and each one softly falls and rests upon the heads of each disciple in the room.

No sooner did this occur than the disciples, each and every one, find themselves overcome by gladness of heart. Joy bursts forth from deep within. They cannot contain themselves and each and all of them blurt out their feelings to the Father of love, to each other, to themselves---they do not even know who they are addressing---they only know that they must speak or they will explode.

But as they praise and sing and shout with excitement they are hardly aware that the words they speak are not in their own languages, not Aramaic,nor Hebrew, but something else. What are they doing? What are they saying?--Oh, they hardly know--except that God's Love has filled them and overcome them in a way that is beyond them!

The Blessed Mother is here among them and She is laughing and crying and Her hands are raised in prayer. Lazarus and his sisters are here... Oh, they are all like children at a wedding feast! They are swinging each other around. One young couple (the bride and groom from Cana) has dashed down the steps and has burst through the door to run merrily into the streets. They have started a trend and the whole group is following them into the streets.

Some children are dancing in a ring and singing the merry songs that flow from their hearts--all different words--all different languages--and yet they harmonize with one another.

The little old lady, healed of a hemorrage, is on her knees, arms raised and praising her Maker in a language not of her own. The Blind Man, standing with arms extended, shouts out and laughs to the world before him, also in a language not of his own. The Strong Man, healed of many demons, kneels and cries with hands folded and eyes closed, praying in the language of Love that the Holy Spirit gives him. Oh, what happy chaos! What a crazy and beautiful sight I see!--- all my people!... the Apostles, and lay people alike!

Meanwhile, many townspeople and visitors to the town, who gathered in Jerusalem for the Feast of Pentecost, are drawn to the house of Joseph, where they have just witnessed the loud noise and terrible ball of fire come crashing down upon it. They wonder what cosmic disaster is occurring. But arriving at the place they are mesmerized by the sight of this crowd, not only because of the energy and festiveness it possesses, but because of the words coming from the believer's lips. The visitors are from every part of the world, speaking many different languages and yet they are all able to understand what these simple Galileans are saying! How is this so? "How do they know our languages?"

But the towns folk who begin to recognize these people as followers of Jesus cruelly dismiss the whole affair with the accusation that "They're all drunk! They don't know what they're saying!"

This is, of course, when Peter calls them all to order and, with tears of great joy and with laughter ringing from his mouth, my dear Father Peter begins his famous discourse of Acts 2....

Waiting for the Promised Gift

The Nightly Vigils (Luke 24:52-53, Acts 1:12-26)
The day's work is over. The disciples of Jesus mingle with all the other townspeople during the day and at first sight no one would notice any difference between them, but one with a keen eye would soon note it. Their is a contentment in their facial expressions, an energy in their labors, and an eagerness in their step as they close up shop at day's end. If further observations were made, one might see that these friends of Jesus are not returning to their own homes in the evening.

One by one, two by two, the visitors arrive at the home of Joseph (of Arimathea), the house of the famous Upper Room of the Last Supper. At the door to greet them is our Blessed Mother. "Come in, come... up the stairs, now. Oh, you have brought the children! Good! Hello....hello....Oh, thank you, Jeremiah!" She is greeting all of us so kindly. People come with flasks of wine or loaves of bread. Mary receives these and hands them on to the Apostles, who bring them upstairs.

All are very excited and affectionately they greet one another, as they talk quietly, continually peering around as if making sure to keep their activities secret. The Apostles have set up a table at one end, spreading a linen cloth over it and placing the loaves and flasks of wine upon it. Joseph is slowly making his way up the stairs with the precious Chalice, wrapped in silk brocaded cloth, in his hands. He presents this to Peter, whose eyes fill with tears as he receives it. Peter takes a moment to pause and reflect upon this Chalice and the great meaning it represents to him and then carefully places it in the center of the table in front of him.

The crowd has increased in size and there now is standing room only, though everyone continues to be orderly and quiet. "My dear brethren," Peter addresses them, "let us begin with the sign of our faith. Jesus made use of the cross to save us from condemnation. Let us always use this sign as a symbol of our salvation and a friendship with Him and one another." He gestures the sign of the cross over the large crowd, turn here and there and repeating it. He then prays a prayer of absolution to which they answer in unison their 'amen.'

Peter presents the two disciples, Joseph Barsabbas Justus and Matthias before the crowd and explains that Judas' office must be filled. Before the eyes of the entire congregation the lots are cast and it falls to Matthias. "Brother Matthias, would you please read from the scroll Isaiah's prophecy? Matthias feels honored to do so and as he reads, the words fall upon their hearts like seed upon good soil. Matthias finishes and soon a melodious chant rises from the crowd and the words of Psalm 68 are sounding through the room. "Sing to the Lord, O kingdoms of the earth! God arises; His enemies are scattered, and those who hate Him flee before Him...."

The chant ends and it is Peter who breaks the silence: "Please, my dear ones, please sit if you can. I wish to relay to you the events that have occurred and what wonders the Lord has wrought that you may be informed. Dearest Brother John, would you kindly tell us again of the things Jesus spoke to us on the night of that Last Supper with Him?"

My sweet father in faith, John speaks up in his calm but passionate voice. He relates the events as he saw them. I see such humility in him as he speaks, as I see in each of the other Apostles, who continue standing but off to the side with arms folded and knowing smiles glistening on their tear-stained faces.

When John's account is finished, Peter motions for all to rise as He indicates that now he should like to recall the Sacred Words Jesus spoke on that blessed night. Each of the Apostles takes his place behind the altar on either side of Peter and picks up a loaf of bread as Peter speaks clearly and slowly the words of consecration. All of the loaves are elevated and quiet gasps ripple throughout the room. All are in awe.

More prayers of thanksgiving are spoken and Peter lifts up the beautiful Chalice, now full of the Blood of the Lamb. There is not a dry eye in the room as the Cup is lifted up for all to worship. The Twelve now stand bowing in humble adoration before they again pick up the loaves and begin breaking them and distributing them among the people. As each believer receives the morsel, he/she drops down to kneel in ecstasy. When all are on their knees, Peter begins to share the Cup until all are nourished.
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And so progress the days of waiting behind locked doors as the believers meet secretly each evening; praying, listening to the Apostles words, and breaking the Sacred Bread together, until the promised Holy Spirit should come to them. Each one is rapt in wonder and amazement and oh! how they hug and cry and laugh and greet one another with their holy kisses! Such pure, holy, beautiful affection!

Ascension Thursday

Jesus has appeared many times to His friends since the Resurrection. He is walking with them now toward the holy mountain. Mary is now follower more than mother, though she is very highly revered by all, especially the Apostles. She is chief disciple of the Lamb Who was slain. She it was who remained by His side every moment of His earthly life. Of all the apostles it is John who takes special care of her and has her by the arm even now as we walk.

Now we have reached the top . Jesus stands towering over all of us. I am in love with Him. He is all beautiful, all lovely, all perfect! He has conquered death. There is nothing left to do. I am here at the top with Mary, my Mother, with my fathers in faith, with my brothers and sisters-- all the people from my previous meditations, all here! There are Lazarus, Martha, Mary, the thief, the shepherds, the farmers, the children, the lepers He cured, the strong man, the dead He raised, the lady at the well, and even His elderly friends. Oh, they are all here! It is as if the entire world has gathered on this mountaintop. It is a vast crowd! --a great crowd of witnesses to the Living One-- the Lamb Who was slain--The Holy One of Israel!

I hear Him--my Jesus!--speak: "You shall be my witnesses throughout the whole world! Write down what I have said and done. Go to all the lands and all the peoples until the entire earth is flooded with the waters of baptism and all the people have tasted the milk and honey of the Promised Land. Remember Me-- in all you do and think and say. I am with you always- until the end of time."

I am taking in every word, as all of us are. I am overwhelmed with love. I want to remain here forever,..... listening, watching, loving Him forever. As we surround Him, hemming Him in, Jesus begins to rise above us and clouds coming from all directions gather around and engulf Him. As I study this phenomena, I can distinguish human-like figures among the clouds and I realize that they are ushering Jesus back home to His Father. I think that Jesus must feel like I do so often in my meditations when I am "going home to Nazareth." I am happy and dazed as I watch Him rise, but I am waiting...waiting for Him to look back one last time- to give me that oh-so-familiar smile...I am waiting...

when I hear a voice close by saying, "Men of Galilee, why do you stand staring into the sky?" I am stunned and shaken as I see the bearers of these words: two angelic figures of exquisite beauty with radiant faces. "He will return to you just as surely as you saw Him leave this day!"

The messengers disappear almost as quickly as they came but their words give great comfort as I did not know why Jesus did not look upon me one more time. Now I understand that I will see Him again soon. I am full of some kind of "magical," mystical knowing deep in my soul--anticipation--eager longing--like the feeling of a bride as she says goodbye to her beloved the night before their Wedding Day.

"Mother!" I cry out. "Let us prepare! What must we do?" I am trembling with nervous energy, my hands in Mary's. She is looking at me, at each of us with her most lovely eyes twinkling and glazing with joyous tears. She smiles with uncontainable gladness.

"We must all wait in patience and allow our joy to take root; prepare our hearts for His return. He shall surely send us His Holy Spirit and then we shall be His Bride!" Our Lady encourages us.

"You may all join us in the Sacred Quarters," invites Joseph of Arimathea, speaking of the Upper Room where Jesus ate the Passover meal. "We shall meet there every night until the promise has been fulfilled." Turning to Mary he suggests, " Dearest Lady, shall we return home and make the preparations for our guests?" Then, to the vast crowd he says, "Allow us a day's preparation and meet us there tomorrow evening."

There is great excitement bubbling up within the crowd, yet they remain orderly and quiet as they dissemble for the evening. Everyone is hugging each other, caressing the children, assisting the elderly to their homes. It is the feeling of a group of friends planning a surprise party of an honored guest. All go quietly home, eagerly awaiting the meeting of tomorrow night.

Home with the Holy Family

Some days you just need to go home. I love going home where they all understand you even without you saying a word. I had a day like that this past week. My dear Father Joseph came to my door to escort me Home. Here is my account of that day.

As before, I take his hand and walk with him along the road and I become younger and younger as we walk until I am about 18 or so. Soon we arrive at Joseph's Workshop where I see Jesus as a handsome youth: His sleeves are rolled up, His hands are large and strong and He is busy assembling the pieces of a project He and His dad had been working on. He stops His work to dust Himself off and comes over to greet me. "Hello, hello, hello! Have you been in the kitchen yet to greet Mother?" He asks me.

"I've just arrived..." I am so emotional and embarrassed about the tender greeting He gives me. I feel uncontrollably in love with Him. I am attracted to everything about Him: His handsome body, His loving words, the enthusiastic way He greets me, the industrious way He works in the shop, the great respect He shows towards His parents. I feel I cannot hide my attraction and am terribly embarrassed for this.

"Oh, go, go, go!!! She'll be looking for you. She'll put you to work, too!" Jesus gently escorts me over to the kitchen, calling out, "Mom, she's here!"

"Oh, My sweet one!" rings my Lady's sweet voice as she hurries over with hugs and kisses. "Today we have some work to do with these flowers," She shows me. "You see here, they have multiplied and will need to be redistributed. Our neighbor down the road would like some planted by her well. Would you like to help with that?"

"My dear Mother, I don't know how to do anything but if You instruct me, I am willing to do everything You ask." So the happy work begins. What great joy I feel working side by side with this beautiful woman. I dig. I carry. I plant. -all alongside my lovely Mother. Close to midday we have arranged flowers in Mary's garden as well as the neighbor's garden in the most pleasing way, and we now are washing up in a water trough near the house. Jesus and Joseph are coming out of their shop, removing their aprons, and are meeting us at the trough.

"Shall we take a break and have some lunch?" Mary asks as she enters the little stone house and begins setting bowls of fruit on the table, as well as a platter of cooked fish and some bread and cheese. Jesus goes to the well and brings back a large pitcher of the cold, fresh water.

My mind returns to the day of another meditation when the Child Jesus brought me a drink from that same well. "This water will make you all clean inside, like My Momma!" He had told me back then. "Daddy drinks it all the time."

I am totally overwhelmed to be here surrounded by these People. I have worked all morning but instead of tired I am refreshed, my heart overflows with gladness and I feel I am going to burst. I am blinking away emotional tears, being overcome with joy. Jesus, Mary and Joseph notice this and are shooting each other their knowing glances and trying to stifle their smiles. Finally, when we are all seated at table, Jesus leans over towards His Mother, cupping His mouth and whispering loudly, "I think she likes us!"

"Jesus and I have finished the bed for Jedediah and we are going to deliver it this afternoon," Joseph announces to Mary. "Is there anything You need me to do on that side of town?"

"Oh yes, My love! Sarah has some herb cuttings for Me... and could you bring these loaves to Susannah? She has so much to do now that her mother-in-law has moved in. I am going to take some things down to the Suffering Ones," Mary replies and then, turning to me She says, "Would you like to join Me?"

"Mother, I will do anything...everything... You ask of me!" As we are tidying up the dining area, Mary pulls out a large basket into which She arranges the food leftover from their lunch. (Actually, they hardly ate any of the delicious looking meal!) She broke off some branches of Her lilac bush to decorate the arrangement. She also neatly folded some beautifully embroidered tunics and placed them in the center of a scarf she had spread out on the table. After tying corners together, She held the bundle lovingly to Her breast as I picked up the basket.

Mary has the most genteel manner about Her. She appears as lively as an energetic child. Her youthful smile and twinkling eyes never dim. She is quick and efficient with every movement, yet never seems impatient nor irritable. When She talks to you, you feel that you are the most important person in the world. When I am with Her, I do not want to lose any time telling Her anything. I only want to listen, to watch, and to drink in every moment with Her.


We arrive at our destination, which is a lonely cave quite a ways from Nazareth. It looks like a place where wild animals would take shelter. Weeds are overgrown; wild flowers and bramble are its only garden. There is not a road nearby, but only a narrow path which we have taken and Mary seems to be very familiar with it. "My dear Joseph will have to help Me to trim the path here tomorrow. The weeds are making it hard to get through," Mary says as She pulls down some tall grass, clearing the way a little. "Salome! Hello, Salome!" She begins to call out. All of a sudden I hear a tinkling of bells like delightful little chimes coming from the cave.

"Unclean!" I hear a raspy, weak voice speak out from within.

"God's love makes you clean, mother!" calls back the Blessed Lady.

A figure draped in old rags emerges from the mouth of the cave. "Mary!" rasps the figure, unveiling her head to reveal a grey-haired, bent woman with an almost toothless grin and sunken cheeks. She clasps her cloak with the bony fingers of one hand and the handless stump of her other arm. "Oh bless You, my sweet Lady! Oh bless You, daughter!" she proclaims before she becomes choked on her words. I am moved to pity at this scene. Behind the woman, some other figures peak out, all showing the ravaging signs of leprosy.

"Come, My dear," Mary addresses me, waking me from my stupor. "Bring them their supper!" I present the lovely basket to the "Suffering Ones."

"Oh! Mmmm...Ooo!" I hear the poor invalids mutter. One brings a large blanket out of the cave and spreads it in an open area under the sunshine. "Today we feast!" he proclaims as they gather around, seating themselves on the blanket. Mary leads me to a large, flat rock where we seat ourselves as the family dines. They seem starved and are not waiting to satisfy their hunger but Salome interrupts them for a moment.

"Are we not forgetting something, children?" Sheepishly, they all put down their food and close their eyes. Salome begs my Mother, "Please, my Lady, would You lead us in thanksgiving?"

Mary reaches for my hand and for the hand of Salome as the whole group follows suit until there is an enclosed circle. The words of the familiar "Lord's Prayer" flow copiously from Her mouth.

Everyone answers: "Amen!"

Joseph's Annunciation (part 2)

Joseph leaves Mary at Her mother's home and returns to his own house. He is disturbed with his decision but has thought it over and over in his mind. He continues to mull it over as he again works late into the night. Finally, exhaustion takes over and he lays down to rest. Sinking into a deep sleep, light fills his dreams as Gabriel appears to him with the (well-known) explanation and alternative plan of action.

What joy enters his soul. What delight fills his mind. His ecstasy cannot be contained. He laughs himself awake. "Father in Heaven, of course! Of course You may do whatever You wish! I am Your humble servant! Oh dear Father! My heavenly delight!" He laughs; he cries; he cannot contain himself. He rushes to the door and pushes it open, wanting to run to Mary and tell Her of his mistake, but it is still night and the morning star has not yet risen. So he closes the door and begins looking around in his workshop, as if trying to find something in particular. He seems satisfied to find a good piece of wood and begins working on a new project right then and there in the middle of this summer night.

Morning comes quickly and, just as quickly, comes a soft knock on Joseph's door. Joseph runs to open it and his heart is not disappointed to see before him the object of his joy standing there to greet him. The Blessed Mother stands there, innocent and pure, Her face radiating peace and love and beauty.

"Mary, my beloved Mary! My wife! My precious and blameless wife! Oh my dear, sweet angel!"
And, just like Elizabeth had done at their meeting (from another meditation), Joseph drops to his knees embracing the "Chalice of the Lord" and presses his ear to Her belly, crying and praying lovely words of adoration and praise: "My Jesus, Son of the Living God! Have mercy on me, a sinner!... Praise and thanks to You, Father, for this most holy Child!... for this most holy Mother and Her Child!"he weeps.

"My soul magnifies the Lord!...." Mary repeats Her famous song.

Over in the corner of the workshop, by candlelight I can see the project that Joseph has been working on: a baby cradle.

Joseph's Annunciation (part 1)

Yesterday was the feast Of Joseph the Worker, the day on which I married my husband 28 years ago. Back then I only had an attraction for St Joseph but did not know him personally, though I chose him for my patron saint at Confirmation at age 10. In doing the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius I have come to know him in an intimate way. I do not mean to assume that any of my thoughts are meant to be taken as "gospel truth." These are all thoughts from my own imaginings, yet they are thoughts that sustain me in this lonely, dark world.

(taken from meditations of 2/12/2010)

Joseph leaves his sweetheart, Mary, at Her cousin's house and quickly journeys home to Nazareth. He is occupied with arranging their new home and contemplating all the matters at hand. With Mary away for a few months, he will now have time to prepare their dwelling. He ponders all the circumstances, the unusual relationship he has with his fiance, the vows each of them made so long ago before they even met. God's purposes are not all clear to him but he is sure of His direction in their lives.

He has a beautiful face and his manners are so gentle, yet manly. He is strong and youthful (something I didn't picture before), yet he is so modest and humble, too. He works very hard in his shop and is very gifted in his craft. Not only does he construct furniture, but his pieces have lovely, detailed engravings in them. He is often asked to engrave pieces for other carpenters. He is well-known as a fair and honest businessman as well as a fine artisan.

He takes out time each day to clear his mind and allow the heavenly Father to speak to him. Always, before he begins his day's work, he attempts to receive direction from God. But this day he is troubled. He cannot get out of his head that he is to be a father. This would have been, normally, a very natural and joyful thought for any man engaged to woman so lovely and precious as Mary, but to him it was troubling. He had taken a vow of celebacy, as did his new bride. It was to be an unusual union, perhaps of very noble purpose. But in his mind he envisions Mary as pregnant. This is very disturbing to him and he thinks of himself as base and lowly. 'How could I imagine such a thing?!' he thinks and continues to chastise his own mind for what he thinks is perversion and loathsomeness.

So he shakes off his thoughts and decides he must fill his day with usefulness and industry. He begins to work on a table for their new home. As he works, he thinks of the loveliness of Mary: Her innocence, Her kindness, Her gentle smile, Her enthusiasm and selflessness, Her piety. She alone could help him live his vow. She alone of all women is pure and unscarred by moral flaw.

Then a thought slips into his head: "She shall bear Me a child."

"Surely this thought is from God!" he tells himself. "God wants Her to bear a child! I must surely release Her from our agreement. She is meant to be the spouse of someone else. She must also be aware of this. She too must know that our proposed marriage is not right. Oh Father in Heaven! Are these thoughts from You? I want only to do Your Will in all righteousness and love. Though I thought that You brought us together, now I believe that Her purpose is to bear a child. My own vow to You will not be broken, Father. I can only assume that You want me to release Her."

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Each day after this revelation, Joseph works well into the night, his mind churning in great turmoil. More and more he is convinced that Mary is to bear a child. Deeper and deeper perplexed he is, until he just sets aside the work he was doing for his own home and attends only to the jobs of others. Joseph always has an abundance of work to do. He is always in demand, for both his skill and his fair prices. Yet for all of this, he never seems to have any excess. Much of what he earns goes to the poor.

The day arrives for him to visit the hill country again and escort Mary home. 'She must be hearing the same direction in Her heart. What will She say to me? What should I say to Her?' he ponders.

......................................

"Mary, my Beloved! How I have missed you!" He holds Her so tightly to his bosom and trembles with emotion. She is radiant and beautiful, still very slight in figure. The Baby within Her is not noticeable at first sight since She is wearing a shawl. Joseph tries to speak but loses his words.

"Joseph, what troubles you? Surely our Father in Heaven has spoken to you! Please tell me what He says to you!"

"We will talk as we journey. There is much to consider. " Joseph packs up the donkey and they say their good-byes to Elizabeth, Zachariah, and baby John. Such joyful company they are leaving, but how Joseph's heart sinks. There is grave silence at first as both of them are steeped in meditation: She, experiencing great consolation; he desolation.

"Mary, my sweet....." he begins, "I cannot get it out of my mind that the heavenly Father ordains that You be a mother." Mary draws Her breath in great excitement. "but....I also feel.....that He does not want me to break my vow of celibacy." Mary's eyes open wide as tears well up within them. A smile begins to spread across her face but is halted when Joseph continues. "...and so. my Beloved, I feel that I must release You from our agreement." Tears of joy turn to grief.

"Oh no! Joseph, no!!!"

"It is God's Will, my Love. I am sure of it: You will bear a child for Him. But just as sure am I that it will not be my child," he finishes.

Mary, not having the words to say continues to cry, "Oh My Beloved Joseph! No!"

Good Shepherd

John 10:1-21
Jesus sits with His apostles and many others on a hill overlooking the residence of a shepherd. The sheep in the valley below are walled in and there is a door which is guarded at the moment by a young man. He does not seem to notice that someone has jumped the wall and is sneaking around among the sheep. The sheep are bleating and bah-ing and seem disorderly. They wander this way and that and are bumping into each other, but they are enclosed so that they will not stray.

Jesus uses the occasion to strike an analogy. "Do you see that?"

"I do!" says Peter, speaking of the fellow who hopped the fence. "That little scoundrel! I'd like to knock his socks off!"

Jesus continues. "Can you see...Oh how true it is!....that if he does not enter through the door, but comes in some other way, he is a thief and a robber?"

Peter answers, "Well, yes, of course, Lord, but....." As they continue to watch, the shepherd comes to the door and the young gatekeeper opens wide for him.

"The shepherd entered through the door!" remarks Jesus excitedly.

"Listen to him!" interjects John. "He knows them each by name. Look how they run to him!"

"Yes! They will not act that way toward strangers.... Oh no!.....They simply won't follow a stranger," Jesus states.

James (brother of John) has a quizzical look on his face and begins to ask of Jesus, "...and so...what are You getting at, Lord?"

"Oh how true it is! Don't you see? I am the Door! The ones who came before me were thieves and robbers, like that one there: only concerned about themselves and what they could take from others. Did you see how the good shepherd came and drove out the one who didn't belong to him?... and how the sheep gathered together and were attentive to the voice of the shepherd? I am the Door!..." Jesus seems on fire with delight. His holy mind is totally wrapped up in His Church. He is envisioning His priests, His apostles, as shepherds caring for His flocks. He wishes to enclose us all in the safety of the Good Shepherd's walls. He is the Door which they must come through leading the sheep safely to pasture lands. But the apostles are not all understanding this analogy.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill...." As Jesus says these words, He catches sight of Judas, who slowly turns toward Him but quickly turns his face away, not able to make eye contact with Jesus. "I came that they may have life, and have it more abundantly," Jesus adds. " Did you take note of the hired hand?" He questions the apostles.

"I did," says John, pensively. "I saw that he was not looking at the sheep. He did not even notice the thief hop the wall, or the disturbed rustle of the sheep when the scoundrel was crawling around among them." The hired hand that he speaks of appears to be slightly younger than John. I see a very serious look on John's face. He, among all the disciples, seems to be taking this all in very contemplatively.

Jesus tries another analogy: "I am the Good Shepherd!" He points down toward the scene as the apostles observe and says, "He would lay his life down for those sheep!" All watch as the shepherd laughs and stoops down to greet his sheep. He is calling their names and they are moving closer as one solid mass. He sits down among them, still laughing, and hugs his sheep. Meanwhile, Jesus sits smiling widely and I hear Him chuckle with glee. "Yes! I am the Good Shepherd!" He leans from side to side, drawing His friends into a big group hug. "I know My own...." He catches the eye of Judas, who sits at a distance, and who again blinks and turns away. "....and My own know Me!"

As He says this, some little children are sneaking up and crawling into Jesus' lap, like I have seen them do before. "....even as the Father knows Me and I know the Father....." He is smiling still and looking straight at the children as He now gathers them closer to Himself. One little urchin has come right up to Jesus' face as He is still talking, while some others mischievously surround Him and all at once begin to mall Him, gigglingly. And just as Jesus is trying to finish His point, "I lay down My life for My sheep..... Whoa!......" they have pulled Him down and are all on top of Him, tickling Him, kissing Him and laughing.

Some of the adults in the crowd are irritated. They think Jesus is speaking arrogantly.

Jesus is lying on the ground now and the children have settled down. He props His head up on His fisted hand and scrutinizes His apostles until His eyes stop on Peter. "I have others not of this fold," He says as He waves His hand toward the crowd on the hill. " I must bring them also and they will hear My voice...and..." His gaze becomes distant. "....and they will become one flock with one shepherd. This is why the Father loves Me: because I lay down My life freely- so that I can take it up again." He now focuses His gaze on John. "No one can take it away from Me. I, Myself lay it down and take it up again. I received from My Father the command to do this."

These words have disturbed the crowd and some rise to leave, but not without saying, "He's crazy! He's full of the devil! Why do you even believe him?"

Jude and James, the cousins of Jesus, come to His defense. "No!....No!...He's not possessed! Can a demon perform loving miracles as these? He has given sight to the blind!"

My Shepherd

(John 10:19-30)

Many people are irritated at what Jesus has been saying in public. Recently, they heard Him say He has power over life and death. "He can choose to lay down his life and pick it up again, he says! It sounds like he thinks he can rise from the dead!" one man says, vehemently.

"Is he greater than God?" asks another. "How can he make such arrogant claims?"

"And here he is again, walking in the portico! Make him be clear about his claims! Let him come right out and tell us if he is here to overthrow the government. Does he plan to establish the power of Israel over the Romans?" They rush to Jesus, surrounding Him and attempting to corner Him. "How long will you keep us in suspense!" they demand."Are you the Christ or not?"

"I have already told you and you don't believe Me," answers the Lord. "The works I do in My Father's name testify to Me. But you don't believe Me because you are not one of My sheep." As Jesus says this, He catches the eye of one man in the crowd. The man looks stunned by what Jesus just said and falls back from the crowd. Jesus' analogy has hit a little too "close to home" for him.

This man had, on occasion, stolen sheep from his neighbor. He had observed that the sheep move as one flock, in chorus to the song of the shepherd. Their master needed only to call them with his sweet, familiar tones and the entire flock would turn heads toward him. This thief knew this all too well from one very embarrassing moment a while back. He was carrying a lamb away from the flock of an absent shepherd when the master, from a distance, began his song. Aroused by the good shepherd's voice, the lamb sprang from the thief's arms and excitedly frolicked toward its master.

The man remains in meditation while the crowd continues to harass Jesus, Who calmly speaks: "My sheep hear My voice and I know them, and they follow Me." Jesus' eyes are fixed on the thief and I see in them compassion and longing. Jesus has given him "that look"-- the same look I, myself, have seen so many times. ---that look that says, "I have so much to give you if you would only receive it!"

"I will give them eternal life and they will never perish...." Jesus is speaking with a kindly voice and his eyes have not lifted from the thief. "...No one will snatch them out of My hands." By now the man's eyes have filled with tears and he drops to his knees behind the crowd.

Jesus' words are infuriating the crowd because He seems not to be at all threatened by their now violent behavior. "He's not even listening to us! Is he crazy?" They yell and continue to crowd in closer.

"My Father Who has given them to Me is greater than all and no one can snatch them from the Father's hand. I and the Father---- We are One."

Though the crowd seems tumultuous and seething with anger, Jesus just passes right through them and walks down the steps from Solomon's portico where a dozen or more children catch sight of Him and go running up the steps to greet Him.

Joseph of Arimathea

Today I meditated on Joseph of Arimathea. Now, I had already thought about him when I meditated on the childhood of Jesus so I could already picture him in my mind. He was now 20 years older than I last saw him but he wasn't very young back then either. He is about 80 or so, thick, wavy, grey hair. He wears a head covering, nice clothing, showing him as a respectable rabbi. I imagine that he was the one who owned the house with the famous "Upper Room" where Jesus held His Last Passover meal with His Apostles.

Today (in my meditation) it is Easter Sunday morning just as the sun is peaking over the horizon. I see Joseph sitting at his table meditating as he holds the precious Vessel that just days ago held the Sacramental Blood of Jesus. He is pondering the events of the last few days, going over and over them in his mind: how he had met with Jesus and arranged the details of the Holy Meal; how he prepared the table in the Upper Room, spreading the large linen over it and setting it with the Holy Vessels placed in his care all these years (the Chalice and Paten were the golden gifts of the "Arabian Wiseman"); how he had experienced the mystical "communion" with Jesus during the consecration (though he was not at the Lord's Supper, he, like Mary and Mary, had a spiritual communion as Jesus seemed to bi-locate and appear before him giving him His precious Body and Blood).

As he is caught up in his meditations, and as he holds the Precious Cup in his hands, his eyes catch site of a figure standing at a distance in front of him. It appears to be the silhouette of Jesus. Putting down the Cup he stands and focuses on the figure. "Jesus, my dearest Lord!" he says in a trembling voice. "Have you risen so soon, my Lord? Has it already been 3 days?" He starts to come to Jesus but he is old and slow. Jesus quickly makes His way to him with a great smile and a warm embrace for this dear old man, who apparently has been like a secret father to Jesus. The Lord's eyes are twinking with delight.

"My father, the carpenter, sends his greetings to you from heaven. He is most grateful to you for your care of Me and My Mother in these past years. He sends you much love and awaits your arrival with eagerness. I will be returning for you soon to bring you home with Me but there is still more for you to do before that. " This is consoling news for Joseph and he seems to savour this fatherly embrace until he is startled out of this most blissfull apparition by a knock on the door.

Outside, he thinks he hears muffled giggles and loud, squeaky whispers of women. Presently, a door behind him opens and the Blessed Mother comes out of Her room aglow with joy. Joseph's face is stained with tears and he seems flustered and happily confused. The Lovely Mother hurries to steady him and escorts him to the front door to greet the enthusiastic visitors. It is, of course, the Marys and Salome, their faces flushed from excitement and their eyes illuminating the room. A chorus of happy and giddy remarks burst from their lips at once. "Oh, dear Mother! We have seen your Son!!! He is a live and well!!!"

Mother Mary beams with delight, but not surprise. "And what has He told you, my dears?"

"He has sent us with a message for His brothers...." they begin to say, but She interrupts them with:

"Well then, quickly! Do as He has told you to do!" and She rushes them up the steps to the Upper Room.