Joseph's Annunciation (part 1)

Yesterday was the feast Of Joseph the Worker, the day on which I married my husband 28 years ago. Back then I only had an attraction for St Joseph but did not know him personally, though I chose him for my patron saint at Confirmation at age 10. In doing the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius I have come to know him in an intimate way. I do not mean to assume that any of my thoughts are meant to be taken as "gospel truth." These are all thoughts from my own imaginings, yet they are thoughts that sustain me in this lonely, dark world.

(taken from meditations of 2/12/2010)

Joseph leaves his sweetheart, Mary, at Her cousin's house and quickly journeys home to Nazareth. He is occupied with arranging their new home and contemplating all the matters at hand. With Mary away for a few months, he will now have time to prepare their dwelling. He ponders all the circumstances, the unusual relationship he has with his fiance, the vows each of them made so long ago before they even met. God's purposes are not all clear to him but he is sure of His direction in their lives.

He has a beautiful face and his manners are so gentle, yet manly. He is strong and youthful (something I didn't picture before), yet he is so modest and humble, too. He works very hard in his shop and is very gifted in his craft. Not only does he construct furniture, but his pieces have lovely, detailed engravings in them. He is often asked to engrave pieces for other carpenters. He is well-known as a fair and honest businessman as well as a fine artisan.

He takes out time each day to clear his mind and allow the heavenly Father to speak to him. Always, before he begins his day's work, he attempts to receive direction from God. But this day he is troubled. He cannot get out of his head that he is to be a father. This would have been, normally, a very natural and joyful thought for any man engaged to woman so lovely and precious as Mary, but to him it was troubling. He had taken a vow of celebacy, as did his new bride. It was to be an unusual union, perhaps of very noble purpose. But in his mind he envisions Mary as pregnant. This is very disturbing to him and he thinks of himself as base and lowly. 'How could I imagine such a thing?!' he thinks and continues to chastise his own mind for what he thinks is perversion and loathsomeness.

So he shakes off his thoughts and decides he must fill his day with usefulness and industry. He begins to work on a table for their new home. As he works, he thinks of the loveliness of Mary: Her innocence, Her kindness, Her gentle smile, Her enthusiasm and selflessness, Her piety. She alone could help him live his vow. She alone of all women is pure and unscarred by moral flaw.

Then a thought slips into his head: "She shall bear Me a child."

"Surely this thought is from God!" he tells himself. "God wants Her to bear a child! I must surely release Her from our agreement. She is meant to be the spouse of someone else. She must also be aware of this. She too must know that our proposed marriage is not right. Oh Father in Heaven! Are these thoughts from You? I want only to do Your Will in all righteousness and love. Though I thought that You brought us together, now I believe that Her purpose is to bear a child. My own vow to You will not be broken, Father. I can only assume that You want me to release Her."

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Each day after this revelation, Joseph works well into the night, his mind churning in great turmoil. More and more he is convinced that Mary is to bear a child. Deeper and deeper perplexed he is, until he just sets aside the work he was doing for his own home and attends only to the jobs of others. Joseph always has an abundance of work to do. He is always in demand, for both his skill and his fair prices. Yet for all of this, he never seems to have any excess. Much of what he earns goes to the poor.

The day arrives for him to visit the hill country again and escort Mary home. 'She must be hearing the same direction in Her heart. What will She say to me? What should I say to Her?' he ponders.

......................................

"Mary, my Beloved! How I have missed you!" He holds Her so tightly to his bosom and trembles with emotion. She is radiant and beautiful, still very slight in figure. The Baby within Her is not noticeable at first sight since She is wearing a shawl. Joseph tries to speak but loses his words.

"Joseph, what troubles you? Surely our Father in Heaven has spoken to you! Please tell me what He says to you!"

"We will talk as we journey. There is much to consider. " Joseph packs up the donkey and they say their good-byes to Elizabeth, Zachariah, and baby John. Such joyful company they are leaving, but how Joseph's heart sinks. There is grave silence at first as both of them are steeped in meditation: She, experiencing great consolation; he desolation.

"Mary, my sweet....." he begins, "I cannot get it out of my mind that the heavenly Father ordains that You be a mother." Mary draws Her breath in great excitement. "but....I also feel.....that He does not want me to break my vow of celibacy." Mary's eyes open wide as tears well up within them. A smile begins to spread across her face but is halted when Joseph continues. "...and so. my Beloved, I feel that I must release You from our agreement." Tears of joy turn to grief.

"Oh no! Joseph, no!!!"

"It is God's Will, my Love. I am sure of it: You will bear a child for Him. But just as sure am I that it will not be my child," he finishes.

Mary, not having the words to say continues to cry, "Oh My Beloved Joseph! No!"